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While you’re at it, please bookmark ChrisMannMusic.com, and check back there often! The old blog address (which you’re reading right now) will remain, but all blog entries (and comments) here have been ported over to the new site. We think you’ll love our new digs.

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Set your DVRs Kid–I *think* i’m being featured on E! News The Daily 10 tonight (?).  I guess they heard about the “I want your sex” videos and are featuring them in the “Now Hear This” segment.  I honestly don’t know what they’re going to say–i hope it’s good.  How awesome would that be if they hated them and I told everyone to watch?!   “Hey everyone!  Watch me get bashed!  Woo hoo!”  Hopefully not.

Apparently it was supposed to run last Monday but the segment got bumped cause Lindsay Lohan went to jail or something.  We’ll see what happens.  You should be able to find the segment on E!’s website after or tomorrow–if so go leave comments that you like the videos–regardless of what they say!

CHRIS SINGS ON NEW OFFICE MAX COMMERCIAL

Have you seen the new Office Max commercial?  it’s a funny tear-jerker.  Moms putting their kids back on buses to school and the mom forgets to give her son his lunch?  There’s a classic male singer serenading in the background?  Yep–that’s me.

I love how this commercial came out and Office Max is such a wonderful company.  Be sure to go buy your supplies there.

But the crazy thing that happened yesterday on YouTube, twitter and Adam Lambert’s wedsite was that his fans (the Glamberts) thought he was the Guy singing in the commercial and they were dying to find out the truth. By the time I knew what was happening there were pages and pages of comments debating who the mystery singer was.

Things then got heated as MANNfans started passionately promoting that it was in fact ME singing and not Adam!  Ha.

I think Adam is one of the best singers out there. What a freak of nature voice that Guy has. So I wad pretty happy with the comparison (though idont hear it myself on this commercial )

So click to watch the video and comment accordingly if you like.

SHOW THIS THURS IN NYC!
August 5th
9pm
Rockwood Music Hall NYC
See you there!

August 5 – 9pm

Rockwood Music Hall 2 – NYC

(with Allison Veltz at 8pm…who rules and will sing a duet with me)

Click on the facebook event below to RSVP and SHARE THE CONCERT WITH YOUR FRIENDS!

WE’VE HAD SEX 10,000 TIMES!

well 10,306 times, to be exact.  And 13,987 times combined with the remix and MANNfan videos–and we’re STILL going!  i’m so impressed.  There’s some really exciting news coming regarding this little Sexcapade and i can’t wait to share it with you when i’m allowed.  you might pee a little.

keep watching and tweeting the videos out!  i want 10,000 to become 100,000….seriously.

click here to watch them again and again

TWEET THIS:

#GeorgeMichael SEXED by @iamchrismann. I Want Your Sex remake: http://bit.ly/apbDNV @perezhilton @justjared @arjanwrites @theellenshow RT!

FACEBOOK STATUS THIS (and attach the video to your page):

Best. SEX. Ever!  Chris Mann SEXES George Michael:  http://bit.ly/apbDNV

BLOG THIS:

Chris Mann is my hero.  http://bit.ly/apbDNV.  (ok–you can make up your own words for this but it’s the right idea, in general)

OMG is that a wee-wee on Sarah Palin’s Face?

So the other day Laura and I were walking through Beverly Hills because we’re rich….i mean, because it was a nice day outside (*note:  Chris is not rich but just likes to believe so*)  and we came upon an art gallery.  the sign read “Porn in the USA” so naturally i was intrigued and, let’s be honest, Laura was intrigued too.  So we entered the gallery and were met by paintings of Tiger Woods, Sarah Palin and lots of nude women.  We walk in further.  this is CULTURE and I’m being CULTURED!   At first i wasn’t getting the point.  ‘these paintings are good and all but WHERES THE PORN?!’

feeling less excited i continue to roam the gallery.  I come upon a series of paintings of 2 naked women laying together.  for research purposes I approached to get a closer look.  Like in the impressionist period of painting (impressed by this reference?  me too.) i was noticing that the shading and dimensions of the figures was changing the closer i got.  The woman’s facade start to have sharper lines like that of a collage and i start to see that the paintings have been covered up with what appear to be magazine clippings.  “how cool!  they’re not paintings at all!”  I take yet another step closer to really inspect the craftsmanship.  I saw large clippings, small clippings, narrow and wide clippings of varying shades of flesh and….WTF!…is that a wee-wee?  “hey laura doesn’t that look like a….oh my god!  all the clippings are porn!  amazing!  hahahahaha!  Sarah palin has a wee wee and vagini (plural) on her face too!  genius!”

at that moment it was as if i put on ‘pegina’ goggles (that’s penis and vagina goggles combined) that revealed that every painting i’d walked past had been done in the same way and i hadn’t even noticed!  now THATS amazing.  each ‘painting’ was covered up by ‘swollen’ genitalia, pubic hair, intercourse and other porn-esque images.  my favorite aspect (from a construction and creative point of view) was how the artist made the belly buttons….out of anuses.  and they looked JUST like belly buttons!  it was pretty amaze-balls….i mean, amazing.

So then i decided i needed one of these pictures.  they’re so freakin’ cool and you really wouldn’t even notice that there was 50 dicks and 150 vajay-jays on them unless you looked super close.  I saw a version of Sean Connery and decided it should be mine.  how cool would that be in a ‘man cave’.  well, first, how cool would it be to have a man cave?!  i was able to locate a pricing book and then shook the idea of having a James Bond porn painting from my mind.  with a $20,000 price tag i guess i’ll have to pass….for now.

It turns out that the artist, Jonathan Yeo, did this treatment to images and people he felt traded sexuality and beauty for success.  pretty freakin’ cool concept–the art…not selling out.

Check out this picture below.  It’s of Sarah Palin.  If you really study it (and click on it to make it bigger maybe?) you should see what i’ve been talking about.  Have fun!

The exhibit is running at Lazarides Gallery in Beverly Hills….go see it if you can.  click here for details….

MANNFAN COVER’S ‘WHEN THE LIGHTS FADE’…AND ROCKS IT!

Thanks to Hailey Karen Hall for posting this awesome video of her singing my song “When the Lights Fade” (available on iTunes).  She rocked it!  if you have a cover video or fan picture please post it on my facebook page so i can see it!

BLOGHER NYC….ARE YOU READY?

So if you’re a serious Mom Blogger you’re probably going to Blogher this year in NYC.  I’ve been to Blogher before and, let me tell you, it’s insanity.  Well i’m going this year too so lemme know if you’re going so i can look out for you!

NYC – Rockwood Music Hall 2

August 5 – 9pm

w/ Allison Veltz at 8pm

THE SWELL SEASON INDEED:

I was lucky to get to see one of my favorite bands, The Swell Season, play the Hollywood Bowl last night in LA.  The Bowl is one of the most amazing venues i’ve ever been too so it was ideal–you can bring your own food and drink, eat surrounded by the Hollywood hills, the Hollywood sign is behind the stage, the weather and sound are perfect etc.  awesome.  It’s also huge–18,000 seats.  (as you’ll see in my picture, above, I was in the nose bleed–don’t hate!  i always sit back there. the crowds are rowdy and it’s super cheap.  plus, i love watching the act over the crowd–it blows my mind to see 18,000 people watching too.  i can’t even imagine…).  Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova are an amazing duo and each had their moments of jaw-dropping performances.  I wanna talk about Glen though–he was a freakin’ animal.  Seriously was one of the best performances i’ve ever seen.  His voice is so raw and beautiful at the same time.  He’s also blessed with ‘chords of steel’ meaning his voice never seems to get tired.  (that asshole).  Not only was the music heart-wrenching but he was also hilarious and engaging.  I wasn’t sure what to expect–their music is very melancholy and subdued so i guess i was expecting a similar stage demeanor.  false.

If you don’t already own their records do your self a favor and get them.  they’re amazing.

ok–fan geek-out session concluded.

What is you favorite concert you’ve seen?

I WANT YOUR SEX….STILL:

(http://www.youtube.com/user/ChrisMannMusic)

Thanks to everyone for watching and sharing the new Sex videos.  They’re doing great and i already have some amazing news that’s come from them….that i’ll share when i can.  ha.  sorry.

I want this video to hit 100,000 views. We’re just shy of 8,000 views on the main vid and over 10,000 combined with the others.  Keep it up!  please keep sharing, posting, tweeting, blogging them all over the place!  it’s important to get them out there–plus everyone needs a little sex, right?  if you need help figuring out how to help:

TWEET THIS:

#GeorgeMichael SEXED by @iamchrismann. I Want Your Sex remake: http://bit.ly/apbDNV @perezhilton @justjared @arjanwrites @theellenshow RT!

FACEBOOK STATUS THIS (and attach the video to your page):

Best. SEX. Ever!  Chris Mann SEXES George Michael:  http://bit.ly/apbDNV

BLOG THIS:

Chris Mann is my hero.  http://bit.ly/apbDNV.  (ok–you can make up your own words for this but it’s the right idea, in general)

DO ALL 3 FOR THE TRIFECTA!

YOU would be MY hero.  Thanks.

TURQUOISE + CARROTS = ?

if you’re following me on twitter you’d know that i asked for MANNfans advice last week.  I was to attend a dinner party where attendees had to prepare parts of the meal using assigned colors and foods.  Some people got ‘red + pasta’ and even ‘green + apples’.  i think those people must have been super dense in the kitchen as any moron could figure out what to do with said foods.  MY assignment wasn’t so easy–or natural.  I got TURQUOISE + CARROTS!  WTF.

Proving that i’m also a moron i startged googling ‘how to turn carrots blue.’  yes, i did.  google was stumped.  i know that was a serious problem.  Then i thought I’ll make a sweet potato, pineapple and carrot casserole and put marshmallow or coconut on top (as we do in the south) but i’d dye the white topping turquoise.  The rules are just that the color and food are to be combined.  I later found out, after attending the dinner, that people brought their foods in dishes that were their assigned color.  i found this offensive and lazy.

While at the store looking for some way out of this predicament it dawned on my how dumb i really was–CARROT CAKE WITH TURQUOISE ICING!  duh!  and how simple!  so i made the cake (out of a box–who am i kidding–but it was really freakin good) and got neon food coloring.  using my Primary Colors Scientist’s hat i deduced that a couple drops of blue and a few less of green made turquoise.  Ta dah!!!  mission completed.  Everyone was fairly blown away at the accuracy of my food–and it tasted pretty dern good too.

WHY IS MY EYE TWITCHING?

i don’t really have any elaboration on this header.  my eye is twitching.  it is annoying.

Ok, so i feel kind of dumb blogging about this since it’s been out for a few days now and it’s all over the internet.  “Ugh, I’ve seen the videos, like, 100 times already and already bought the EP, Chris.  Leave me alone!  I mean, i’m obsessed with the whole package (yep) and can’t help but tell all my friends about it and stuff but C-C-C-C-C-C-Come on and shut up already!”

I get it ok!  sorry for harping.  I can’t help it.  If you’ve seen my facebook, twitter, hired planes with flying banners or shoe polished car windshield (so high school right now!) you’d know I’ve been talking about it alot–but so have YOU! I’ve been pretty blown away by the amazing response and i can’t thank you all enough for forwarding the videos around to all your friends, family, lovers and former lovers and to every MANNfan who sent in sexy pictures for the fan video–we’ll discuss this a little later.

I’m loving the posts and tweets that y’all are rocking out to the 3 versions of “I Want Your Sex.” Many of you have said it’s your “summer jam”–Katy Perry WHAT? *ca-li-for-nia girls-they’re unforgettable-and- they-like my sex E-P* (available on iTunes and AmazonMP3) I have to agree–it does bump pretty nice in the car (insert sexual joke here–they just keep comin’ in this blog….wait….there’s another one). turn it up nice-n-loud at home and at stop lights.

The 3 music videos are flying around the net as well and stirring up some blog attention already. Noah Harald directed and killed the main and remix videos, Laura Liz Perloe co-starred and i made the TOTALLY AWESOME, OSCAR-WORTHY fan video (on my laptop). take that, Noah! I want to discuss the fan video here for a minute–i tweeted out asking for fun pics and sex pics for this vid. I was inundated with pics and, not gonna lie, blushed a little when i saw some of the saltier ones. I just want to thank a few specific women in general (whom i shan’t name for protection’s sake): the woman with the bra and tattoo, the woman who takes pics with her husband during sinful acts, whoever sent in the pics of the vibrators–genius, the woman who did the outdoor naked photo shoot, the girls in the catholic school uniforms, and EVERYONE else who’s pics made me smile, laugh and…well….blush. MANNfans are sexy beasts. it’s official.

(Click on the images below to watch each video)

“I Want Your Sex” main video (Bleu remix)

“I Want Your Sex” remix video (SECTR24 remix)

“I Want Your Sex” MANNfan video (hyperstory remix)

HELP GET THE SEX VIDEO ON BLOGS!

Do you want to help the world have more SEX!?  then tweet and email any bloggers you know and ask them to post about the “I Want Your Sex” videos!  Post the youtube links on your facebook pages!

Copy and past this tweet and get to tweeting!

Best. Sex. Ever! @iamchrismann does #GeorgeMichael’s “I Want  Your Sex!” http://bit.ly/apbDNV @perezhilton @justjared @theellenshow RT!

I’m honored to have already been featured on a hand full of blogs for my new music and videos.  take a visit to these sites and be sure to leave comments letting them know you think they have AMAZING taste!

(Click on the images below to read each blog)

GOOD TIMING, GEORGE?

So when you’re creating something and you want people to see it you’re always looking for an angle to help draw attention to it.  So i guess it’s good timing that George Michael, himself, got into ANOTHER DUI driving accident last week?  i promise this wasn’t a publicity stunt he and i coordinated to promote my new videos and EP–but it could have been.  hell, celebs date all the time to get attention so i suppose GM could take one for the team and go to jail to help promote me!  crazier things have happened.

I’m kinda bummed this happened though.  I like GM.  i think he’s an incredible talent and musical icon.  I wish he had his head on a little straighter (*ignores the joke that could be made here*)  We don’t need more train wrecks; we need more music!  come on george!  give us what we want–more father figures!  more faiths!  more sex–(the musical kind!)  I still think he’s got it in him.  I’ve still got ‘faith-a-faith-a-faith AH!’

(wanna be in my fan ‘i want your sex’ video?  post a sexy/party pic by this Tuesday to my facebook page–click here to post! be sure to tag me and yourself!)

Get ready for some sex!

After a long production period–making music videos, remixes and cover art–the package is finally ready to blow (so to speak).  Here’s what to expect:

The EP on iTunes, including my cover of the George Michael hit in a few forms–

1- my original cover, produced by Bleu

2- a dance remix by LA producer, hyperstory

3- a dance remix by Miami producer, SECTR 24

4- a live performance version with me looping my vocals and some shweet audience moments

5- an a capella vocal version for all you DJs out there who want to make your own beats to the song

6- my new song, PHONE PHONE, from my upcoming album.

ALSO–my much-anticipated music video(s) will be available on Youtube.  Now i say videos(s) because there are going to be 3.  the original, directed by Noah Harald, a remix version for SECTR 24′s remix and a ‘behind the scenes/fan video’ (see above to get your mug in there!)  it’s gonna be amazing and fun.  Can’t wait.  the time is coming…..yes….i said it.  finally!

WRITING FOR MR. SCHU…MATTHEW MORRISON

I’m fresh back from Nashville where i mentioned, last week, i’ve been performing at the All About Music conference.  But i ALSO spent 4 days writing songs for the upcoming Matthew Morrison record coming out later this year.  I have no idea whether the songs i wrote will work for Mr. Schu’s record but i schu had a good time writing them!  (you like that?  I schu had a good time?  i SURE had a good time?!  get it?  oh lord.  it’s too early for jokes this bad).

I love writing for other artists.  I get to get in their heads and think about what’s they’d want to say.  in some cases i get to write things that i’d never say–too sexy things, too PG things, too young things, too old things, too girly things.  it’s fun.  Co writing is also a blast–getting together with super talented writers and creating something from nothing.  writing hooks that you hope the world will have stuck in their heads someday.  i’ve got 2 songs on a new Swedish band’s upcoming album and i can’t tell you how exciting that is.  i’ll tell you more about that soon….

anyways–i had an awesome time writing for Matt–we’ll see what happens….

WHY THE WORLD CUP IS GOING TO KILL ME

The USA is out of the running.  They played a hard game against Ghana and lost.  Now i’m not talking sh*t cause the World Cup is hard and the US isn’t the best at this sport but when you have 5-6 open shots at the goal and you don’t make any of them and you lose by 1….that’s disappointing.  Don’t get me wrong–if you put a soccer ball (or futbol, i suppose many say) in front of my feet and put my feet (and body) 10 feet (the distance, not 10 human feet, literally….duh) away from a goal and asked me to kick it in there i’m betting that 4 out of 10 would go in, 4 out of 10 would end up miss by a mile and the remaining 2 would be complete whiffs, sending my leg momentum over my head, flipping my body into a back flip and landing on my head onto a pile of poo that some lady left after her dog relieved itself.

I say this not because i am unathletic–that’s not the case.  i’m actually really athletic and have plenty of those plastic trophies with ‘marble’ bases at home (in boxes in my parent’s basement) to prove it.  i say this because i never played soccer (outside of ‘bumble bee soccer’ as a toddler) and literally don’t understand how the hell these guys do it!  it’s insanity to me.  no hands?  kicking the ball with spin?  bending it like Beckham?  WTF?!  My mind is blown by penalty kicks where, as in our game against Ghana, Landon Donovan kicks it in against the right goal post making it impossible for the goal keeper to block.  that’s some serious precision.  I know how to throw a football.  i know how to serve and ace.   i know how shoot a free throw.  i know how to win beer pong.  i do NOT know how to do a bicycle kick.  So awesome.

Back to the subject header ‘why the world cup is going to kill me’–now that the USA is out my friends, and i, have had to find new teams to support.  my buddy is from Arhentia (that’s argentina with the accent) so we were in full baby-blue force yesterday for the Argentina v. Mexico game. It was latin mahem!  There were Mexico supporters in giant, floppy sombreros, ladies draped in Argentina’s flag and lots of beverages to help keep everyone cool.  The problem with 2 latin teams playing is that the mind (read: MY mind) goes straight for Latin beverages–ie, tequila and Pacifico.  Now the tequila shots were not my idea, i promise.  I was just fine double fisting coffee and screwdrivers but NOOOOOOO–we had to get crazy at 10:30am!  We (read: my friend) decided that we’d take a shot with each goal made which is fine in soccer as the scores are usually low.  well Arhentina won 3-1.  then factor in the beers, vodkas and, eventually, whiskeys that came before, in between and after and you’ve got yourself a rowdy sunday afternoon.  cripers.

Who are you rooting for in the World Cup?

you all know Nashville is my favorite city ever.  i’m here for 2 weeks.  I had a show–which it turns out was my first show in 5 years in Nashville…which is crazy to me–at a club called The Basement.  I love playing there.  It’s almost like a black box theater–just without the theater seating and with the addition of a bar.  actually that comparison is shitty–the walls are painted black, which is the only similarity. It was a blast.

I played some new songs including my new live version of ‘i want your sex’.  I made it up the day before the show and build the whole song by looping my vocals then singing over them.  It’s a lot of fun to perform and people really dug it.  i’m gonna put the live version on my EP too for fun.  so there.  i’m lucky that a video was taken of the performance (below) so go check that out!

I’d like to send a very special (and great big) thank you to Trina Irby (@xoxo_trina) and Brittaney Feltman (@brittfelt) for roadtripping from Alabama to see my show.  They tweeted me about their scheme and carried it out like champs.  that’s what happens when you’re bad ass and talk to me on twitter (@iamchrismann….dooooo iiiiiitttttt).  love y’all.  so fun hanging out and HAPPY BDAY!

So my friend Ashley Monroe, who is a ridiculous country singer, came to my show at The Basement.  She’s had a big ole’ career as an artist and songwriter in Nashville for years.  Well she’s got some new songs that she’s written with, and for, Vince Gill.  I regard Vince as one of the best singers of all time and is a huge hero to me.  So I was really excited when Ashley asked me to come over to Vince’s home studio with her while she recorded her harmonies with Vince on their song.  I went.  I’ll tell you about that in a sec…but until then, and on a different note, here’s my earliest Vince Gill memory:

VINCE GILL + ME + A PORN SHOP

When i was growing up in Kansas and was starting to realize i wanted to try to be a recording artist i looked in the phone book to see what studios there were in Wichita.  I found one.  (side note–remember when you actually looked in the phone book and not google?).  I called and set up an appointment.  I was, probably, 15 years old.  I asked my parents about it and they didn’t want me to go cause it was pretty shady looking, but i went anyway.  (i’m trying to remember how i got there–joy riding, perhaps?)

I show up to this dumpy-ass studio, somewhere near downtown, and was greeted by cigarette smoke, ashes and trash everywhere.  Some dirty dude takes me to some dirty room where i found the *tape player* to put in my *cassette tape*– a track of Vince Gill’s “If you ever have forever in mind”.  Such an incredibly beautiful song.  here’s the youtube link to hear.

So my tape starts to play and i, nervously, start singing along.  Then i start looking around the room and notice it is FILLED with porn–magazines, videos et all.  Keep in mind that i’m 15 and the only porn i’ve seen was in my friend’s basement where his dad’s 70′s Playboys were boxed up.  This was creepy–a porn filled room with studio fatties smoking cigarettes listening to a 15 year old white kid sing Vince Gill songs.  Years later, i’m pretty positive that this ‘recording studio’ was a ‘porn studio’.  My first ‘industry audition’–classy.

Fast forward many years and i’m in Vince Gill’s Nashville studio hanging with him and listening to his amazing voice.  He sounds better than ever!  His brand new, gorgeous studio felt like a beautiful plantation home with walls made of (hundreds of) guitars.  I felt, truly, honored to be there.  He is one of the nicest guys i’ve ever met and he was very welcoming.  at the end of the session we listened to my song ‘beautiful life’ from my upcoming record.  Understand how cool i was trying to be–casually playing one of my songs for Vince Gill and sitting back in the chair like it ain’t no thing?!  i was shivering, dry mouthed and peeing myself.  It was insanely nerve-wracking to watch vince gill listen to you sing.  But he liked it (so he said) so I left happy and am taking his word for it.

I thanked him for letting me be a fly on the wall and then proceeded to try to find my car in his driveway among, literally, 15 other cars.  i found it.  it was the shitty one.

After Ashley and i left Vince’s we headed out to Franklin, TN to go watch Miranda Lambert (another big country singer) film her new CMT special ‘Invitation Only.’  She can sing her ass off–and did.  I’m a big country music fan so i was pumped to hear her sing her big hits.  we sat with her (extremely) Texas parents, which is always fun.  I did catch a pretty amazing moment–Miranda was singing her current #1 single and her mom was crying proud tears of joy during the song.  It was awesome.  Even when your baby is already super famous and successful….she’s still your baby up there singing her heart out.  It made it all seem so real.  all the hard work it takes to get to the top.  all the sacrifice the Lambert’s made to help Miranda get there.  They still feel it.

After Miranda’s show we were supposed to go see Kelly Clarkson do a secret show at Cummin’s Station but we were tired (and had had too much wine) and bailed.  I wish we had toughed it out though–Vince Gill, Miranda Lambert and Kelly Clarkson all in one night?  That’s Nashville for ya.

ALL ABOUT MUSIC FESTIVAL – NASHVILLE

The main reason i came to Nashville was to play the All About Music festival which is a set of shows that the people who place songs in TV and film come to to hear new music.  It was a blast and i got to meet and play with some amazing artists like Eli “Paperboy” Reed, News Boys, SixPence None the Richer, Joel and Luke, House of Heroes, Gareth Dunlop, The Afters, among many many others.  It was a great way to meet and hear some other artsits.  I always blown away by how much talent is out there.

It was 3 days of schmooze-fest craziness and i’m still recovering.  The last night was the craziest which is why my facebook status on Saturday read “phone….where are you?”  Luckily for me the cleaning lady at the hotel found it and turned it in, God bless her.  I felt like i was without a limb!

MATTHEW MORRISON RECORD

for the rest of the week i’m in Nashville helping write songs for Matt Morrison’s new record.  you know, Mr. Shu on Glee.

I love me some writing so hopefully i come up with something he’ll like.

Hope you’re staying cool out there!  it’s so freakin’ humid and hot here!  how i’ve gotten use to the LA weather.  so lame.

Have a great week!

Nashville, TN

The Basement, 8pm

YOU VOTED!  EP COVER #3…

Thanks for voting for my “I Want Your Sex EP” cover.  You voted–#3 is the winner.  Stay tuned for the upcoming release…

AFI AWARDS: MY NIGHT WITH (ALL) THE STARS…

My mind has exploded.

THE GIG was on June 10th 2010. I was asked to perform at the AFI Lifetime Achievement Awards for film director, Mike Nichols. ‘Sounds good’, I thought. Should be fun, plus, Mike Nichols has changed cinematography through his (super) famous movies for decades–and Hollywood came out (en force) to show it’s support. Let’s do this.

THE GAG was to sing ‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life’, from Monty Python, with Eric Idle, himself. I, with a handful of other tuxedo-clad men, would be planted among the celebs all night waiting for the finale when Idle would ‘randomly encourage’ people to sing along with him. We would all look caught off guard, get up and, of course, join him on stage singing and then go out into the audience to get the crowd going. The audience will figure out it’s staged, laugh and participate and all would be jolly.

It worked like a charm–the people were taken off guard and Idle was funny as hell. But it’s what happened before this finale that was so special–because we were supposed to BE A-list celebs…we were sitting WITH the A-list celebs. It was a once-in-a-lifetime (though hopefully NOT only a once-in-a-lifetime) experience to sit and mingle among Hollywood royalty.

THE PLACE was historic Stage 15 at Sony Pictures Studios in Culver City, CA–the same stage where The Wizard of Oz was filmed.

THE PLAY-BY-PLAY

Robin Williams is standing out like a sore thumb–the only man in the room wearing a white dinner jacket in a room full of black tie. He is telling a joke to his table while dropping the F-bomb liberally.

I walk past him, casually, arriving at my table directly across from him. Now I stand and ‘mingle’ (ie–stare at people) while other guests arrive. It’s probably the only time when everyone is staring at everyone else too making it totally guilt free and less creepy for me to do the same.

Julia Roberts enters and, cliché as it sounds, lights up the room. You know that big Julia laugh? It’s real. All night. She is sitting next to Meryl Streep. They are two tables away from me. Meryl arrives a few minutes later…with Oprah. (I promise this story is real, PS). I can tell they’ve arrived because every camera in the (small) room is around them. Gayle is in tow, who greets Morgan Freeman. They start to make their way to their table with Forest Whitaker and Michael Douglass.

My heart is pounding–it was like Madame Toussauds slept with Walt Disney and this was their litter! It felt like I was seeing something I shouldn’t be seeing–the biggest stars on earth all just hanging out and shooting the shit? Bizarre.

Harrison Ford’s giant diamond earring catches my eye. Who’s he talking to? Short, graying, big nose….ah, Dustin Hoffman. Naturally. Annette Benning and Warren Beaty swing by to give their hugs. What up “D-Hoff!”

A commotion! Oprah and Julia Roberts have found each other and are, clearly, excited. Camera’s go nuts.

Robin Williams is tired of talking, is hungry and starts eating his salad (prepared by Wolfgang Puck–goat cheese caprese….amazing). Following his lead, I sit too–Robin Williams doesn’t give a shit that Oprah and Julia are talking to John Goodman and Candice Bergen! Why should I, right? “Act like an A-lister, Chris,” I say, “A-listers don’t care about other A-listers. Be cool. Just, sit down and eat your fucking salad!”

I sit. Can’t eat.

Shirly MacLaine looks lovely from across the room in a giant turquoise necklace and Elaine May is in a less flashy black. Mary Louise-Parker looks high, per usual…and I like it.

They announce for us to please be seated so the event can begin. The light’s dim. “Ladies and Gentleman, Julia Roberts!” Applause, Applause. Julia, and her giant smile, come out. We all smile too. She’s talking into a mic about 10 feet from my table.

She introduces the man of the night, Mike Nichols, and his wife, Diane Sawyer. They’re seated at the opposite end of the room from the stage where I/Hollywood are sitting so that the cameras will be able to get good shots of Nichols’ reactions.

Julia jokes that its ‘ridiculous’ to talk to him from so far away. The room laughs. I laugh too–”MUAH HAHAHAHA” in my best A-list laugh. “I’m A-list, Julia! See?! I understood your A-list joke! I can do this!” How about “it’s ‘RIDICULOUS’ that I can’t see Mike Nichols and Diane Sawyer clearly because Cher and Giovanni Ribisi’s fat heads are in my sight line! Now THAT’s ridiculous. This is BULLSHIT!”

I digress.

Julia talks fondly of her experiences with Mike making ‘Charlie Wilson’s War’ with Tom Hanks (He was there too) and then a montage of (super) famous clips runs on a movie screen. We ‘ooh and ah.’ It ends on The Graduate.

“Ladies and Gentleman….Simon and Garfunkel!”

“WHAT THE HELL!” I begin to freak out. Robin Williams does too, so I felt it was ok to geek out. Just them, one guitar, and ‘Mrs. Robinson.’ I can’t believe my eyes and ears–Simon AND Garfunkel on stage TOGETHER singing one of the most famous songs in pop history…and I can see the spit coming out of their mouths. (PS–I covered ‘The Sound of Silence’ on my un-released Sony record so this was a big deal to me. I wept internally. I’ll try to get that recording back so you all can hear it someday).

They finish and the room erupts. Duh.

Elaine May, whom I didn’t know, is introduced and makes the speech of the night, in my opinion. She. Was. Hilarious. You need to watch the airing of this show (June 26, 2010 on TV Land) for her speech alone. True comedienne. She left with the only standing ovation of the night, for a guest speech.

Tom Hanks was next. I wouldn’t want to follow Elaine’s speech and neither should have Tom cause he BOMBED. It was amazing. A lot of the night was teleprompted but all these actors want to be funny and improv and cute. Picture this: the huge teleprompter behind Mike Nichols has the speeches rolling for the speakers on stage. Tom Hanks is thinking he’s funny tonight. He goes off script. The teleprompter panics and tries to find him. It’s going UP DOWN UP DOWN UP … PAUSE….UP DOWN UP DOWN trying to catch Hanks on his ramble. Hanks starts to realize his jokes aren’t landing and tries to catch the prompter but, at this point, he is fucked. The show cuts to the screen for another montage. The mic is turned off. Tom Hanks was cut off and he walks off stage pretending to curse the audience because HE knows WE all know what’s just happened. It was an Epic Fail. Hilarious. Tom Hanks is fired.

Dustin Hoffman redeems the night.

We watch a clip of The Graduate–the scene when Dustin Hoffman is in the room with Mrs. Robinson. She takes off her shirt; he grabs her breast awkwardly, panics and turns to bang his head on the wall in shame….

He tells an amazing story that that moment turning and banging his head was improvised. Mike Nichols allowed them to be artists and let scenes evolve organically. Dustin was actually laughing in the moment and turned so Mike wouldn’t see him laughing. He then banged his head to stop laughing. That is the cut Mike used cause it was so real. These were the kinds of stories I heard from the stars mouths. Amazing.

More montages. Someone sneaks in and bumps into our table as an extra seat is brought in. The lights rise. It was Jack Nicholson coming in late after watching the Lakers lose game 4 to Boston on TV. He’s sitting with Dustin Hoffman, Annette Benning and Warren Beatty–who’s turn it is to speak.

He acknowledges Jack’s late arrival and the room chuckles. He then proceeds to give the strangest, least funny speech of the night. I was biting my lip. Who knew Dick Tracey wasn’t funny? At all. He is old, though, soooo…..

Jack Nicholson was next. He speaks with that famous low, growl of a voice that’s been burned into cultural history. He’s about 10 feet away, too. He’s clearly been stress drinking during the Lakers game. He says he wants to insult Mike and begins to talk about how oysters have pearls that have enemies. No one has any clue what he’s talking about. No one. Nicholson thinks it’s funny. Everyone laughs awkwardly. I think it’s awesome.

Harrison Ford continued the awkward speech run and must have eaten 2 lbs of magic mushrooms before his speech. He decided it would be funny to ‘not remember’ any of the movies he apparently did with Mike. He…..talks….so…slow….and confuuuuused. Soooooo chiiiiiilllllllll. Again, no one really knew what the fuck he was talking about either. I remain completely amused to be hearing bizarre stories from Indiana Jones, Dick Tracy and The Joker. It’s all good.

Robin Williams has had enough. These cracked out, not funny speeches are too much. It’s his turn to talk…and he brought the house down! His topic: these shitty, cracked out, not funny speeches. “Jack–what the fuck are you talking about? Pearls? Harrison–whaat? Warren–go to bed!” The room roars in agreement! Robin is King. He goes on being amazing and off the cuff mentioning something about nuns and penises. I can’t remember the order, or context, but it was funny. (PS–He was in The Birdcage which Mike directed–a favorite of mine. Genius. PPS–You like how I call Mike ‘Mike?’ yeah, that’s right. First name basis).

The night is back ON!

Oscar-winner, Emma Thompson, is next. She brings out a box covered in black fabric. She might be drunk but who cares! She was funny as hell–second favorite speech of the night (Robin Williams being third…or maybe tied for 2nd?). Who knew Emma was high-larious? I always think of her as stuffy and British but she proved me wrong.

She started her speech by making fun of how hot the entrée was. (The lobster bisque puff pastry Wolfgang made was REALLY F-ing hot–I burned my mouth on my first, excited bite and, as it turned out, so did Emma! We’re basically friends). She starts reenacting her first bite of the ‘hottest thing she’s eaten, ever’ and the whole room erupts, having had the same experience. (You had to be there to think this was funny but it was).

At this point, I am one of them (in my head). I’m belly laughing. Julia is too. We catch each other’s eye in A-list, hot-food-eating camaraderie. It happens again with some Asian dude across the way at Steven Spielberg’s table. I don’t know who he is but his mouth is burned and he’s laughing too–we are brothers.

She unveils a white box under the black fabric and announces it’s some sort of kit for Mike to deal with the guilt of receiving, yet, another award. Methods of self-punishment including a self-enema pump (with which she offered to help), a whip and a Scottish cook book. Touché. Emma is witty and crafty too; So full of talent and surprises. She exits. Energy is still high.

Natalie Portman stole my heart in ‘Closer’ and she did again during her speech. It was great to see her again since I last saw her–stripping in the movie with pink hair. She looks a little fuller now and has grown her hair out long and light brown. Since we’re probably long lost friends I imagine I should tell her how great she looks after the event but then I remember that it would actually go something like this:

Chris: “Hey, Natalie!” (goes in for the ‘I know you well, friend’ hug)
Natalie: “Who the fuck are you?” (squirms away in ‘I DON’T know you fear, maces me and kicks me in the balls)

Her speech is fine. She reads if from the teleprompter. She thanks Mike for taking out the full nude scenes from Closer. I curse him under my breath.

Mary Louise-Parker is her character in real life–beautiful, aloof and probably high. She definitely had the best sound bite of the night. All the women were giving Mike shit because he was recently quoted saying “Julia, Meryl and my wife are the three women I love.” Mary Louise Parker took issue with the fact that neither of the actresses he ‘loved’ had done any nudity for him in their films–”not even a nipple! And she showed both tits and her LADY TOWN in his films!” Yes–Mary L-P called her ‘va-jay-jay’, ‘Lady Town’…and I just called Mary L-P’s ‘Lady Town’ her ‘va-jay-jay.’ Curious.

Now pushing 3 hours long it’s finally time for the Eric Idle gag. It’s going brilliantly and while I’m singing on stage I’m watching Cher wondering if she thinks this is lame or not. Her face the whole night is frozen in some sort of ‘pleasant look’ so I can’t really tell what emotion she might be emoting. Actually, she is whistling along so, I guess, she likes me…I mean IT. Cher rules–her dress is shiny like ‘Braveheart’ armor. She is ready for combat.

Eric starts down the stairs into the audience, which is my cue to do the same. He stops to have Annette Benning whistle for him.  (play Where’s Waldo with this pic–Warren Beatty, Annette, Cher, Morgan Freeman….the pic to the right is my back on the left corner.  so famous). My plan is to get Julia AND Meryl to dance with me whilst singing Monty Python. Then I predict they’ll put me in both of their upcoming movies and change my life forever. They’ll see the other getting the same idea and get ferociously jealous spurring a catfight involving hair-pulling and nail scratching. I proceed to see if my assumption is correct.

I’m stepping. I’m whistling. I’m snapping. I’m smiling. I’m moseying down the staircase towards J and M. My eye is on the prize. Alert! Alert! My path is obstructed! So many legs and feet in the isles clogging my previously clear route–the route I memorized from dress rehearsal like Tim Robbins did his in The Shawshank Redemption. I must improvise. I step-snap-touch my way left, then right again, left, left, then right–I have a direct line to J & M! I step-snap-touch while whistling into the song’s modulation. I’m on it. Julia’s back is to me and now I see Meryl is no longer at the table! 5ft, 4ft, 3ft….Julia is mine….2ft, 1ft….ABORT! ABORT! Julia’s husband sweeps in for a full-bodied laughter hug. She is guarded like a Disney child-star’s virginity–off limits! I can’t lose beat….I’m step touching further and further away from Julia. I shake it off and try to locate a new target but I’m at the back of the room now and the talent is thinning out! The song is ending and the confetti drops. I hit my high note, which falls ironically on my low point of the evening–my exit.

Smiling, and as instructed, I exit stage left. Exit the room and my A-list life I’ve led for the last 3 hours. “But it feels so good!” I scream inside. “I belong here! Oprah said so!” But, in fact, she didn’t. And I left.

I hear Meryl Streep take the stage and begin her long speech to present the Lifetime Achievement Award to Mike. The real reason we all had gathered was finally here–I was not. As I take off my tuxedo and change into my assless chaps–I mean, jeans–I watch the presentation, in silence, on a back stage monitor.

I am in shock. WTF has just happened? Was it real?

Yes. It was. And though I feel my exit was too soon I know that my entrance is on the horizon. The common theme between ALL the speeches was how long it took for each of them to get their ‘break.’ Many of them got it from Mike–Dustin Hoffman did when he was 29, it turns out. This comforted me as I replaced my plastic tuxedo studs and cufflinks into their rental baggie. My time will come.

As I walked towards the Sony visitor’s parking I had one final encounter.

A long golf cart was loading celebs to be taken to the Sony famous-people’s garage (read: NOT the one I was in). There were not many people around as most had already left. But, while leaning against the outside wall of Stage 15, I watched Meryl Streep, Kevin Spacey and Emma Thompson (all Oscar winners) try to squeeze into the cart. They can’t all fit. They start laughing, like children in a playground, and literally do a Chinese fire drill around the golf cart, which ended like a game of musical chairs–Emma Thompson was the loser…seatless. The solution was something I’ll never forget–instead of only two of them getting seats ALL THREE of them stood on their tip toes off the edge of the cart as if they were hanging from the light post in ‘Singing in the Rain’. “Go Go Go!”, Kevin yelled, and I watched the golf cart, and three screen legends, disappear in the distance.

This cheered me up. I walked back to my car. I was smiling.

Nashville, TN

The Basement.

Monday, 6/14, 8pm

RSVP on the facebook event page:  http://bit.ly/bGBLdz

PICK MY EP COVER…

So….I’m picking between 3 “I want your Sex EP” cover concepts.  These are just designs but I want your help picking!

Vote by commenting below…VOTING ENDS THIS THURSDAY 6/10

Option 1-

Option 2-

option 3-something with this…

SINGING ON TV LAND SAT 6/26

So this is cool.  i’ve been asked to perform a group number from “Spamalot” at the AFI Lifetime Achievement Gala for Mike Nichols.  I’m filming the event this thursday and it will air on Sat 6/26 on TV land.  read below to see who Mike is and what he’s done.  i’m betting you know a lot of his work.  i’m stoked to be a part of it since, as you’ll read, it’s gonna be like the oscars, in terms of the celebs attending.  i’ll try not to do anything you wouldn’t do…
Many of Hollywood’s finest will be on hand to salute acclaimed film, television and stage director Mike Nichols when he receives the 38th AFI Life Achievement Award.

Warren Beatty (The Fortune) and Annette Bening (Postcards from the Edge), Candice Bergen (Carnal Knowledge), Nora Ephron (Heartburn), Calista Flockhart (The Birdcage), Harrison Ford (Working Girl), Dustin Hoffman (The Graduate), Eric Idle (“Spamalot”), Shirley MacLaine (Postcards from the Edge), Elaine May (“An Evening with Mike Nichols and Elaine May”), Mary Louise Parker (Angels in America), Natalie Portman (Closer), Kevin Spacey (Heartburn), Emma Thompson (Angels in America), and Robin Williams (The Birdcage) join previously announced Cher, Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts and Meryl Streep to celebrate Nichols’ storied career.

Many of these luminaries participating in this gala event to honor their friend and colleague are also part of the AFI Benefit Committee for the tribute. Other members of the committee include Amy Adams, Whoopi Goldberg, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Steve Martin, Jack Nicholson, Al Pacino, Robert Redford, Elizabeth Taylor and Sigourney Weaver.

TV Land Presents: The AFI Life Achievement Award Honoring Mike Nichols will air on TV Land on Saturday, June 26 at 9PM/8C.

The black-tie event will take place within the historic walls of Stage 15 at Sony Pictures Studios, which will be transformed into a spectacular ballroom to honor Nichols’ career. Proceeds from the AFI Life Achievement Award directly support the institute’s national educational programs and the preservation of American film history.

BAK from the BVIs…

If you’ve read my tweets this week you’d know that i’m completely exhausted.  this is confusing since i’ve just arrive back, state-side, from a week sailing in the British Virgin Islands.  I’m not getting how i’m completely exhausted considering i didn’t lift a finger all week, save for lifting a frosty, frozen beverage to my parched lips.  Isn’t it funny how you can be more exhausted after a vacation than before you left?

So the BVIs are amazing.  if you can go, you should.  The water, depending on the island you’re on that day, is emerald green, aqua, dark blue, clear….heaven.  most of the islands are undeveloped, for the most part, and have a few shack bars on the beach.  the bars are (in)famous like The Soggy Dollar (where you have to swim ashore from your boat and, thus, your money gets wet–the pain killer was invented there), or Willy T’s (a pirate-looking ship permanently anchored in an isolated cove that has a wild bar on the back where people (read *Women*) act like it’s mardi gras).  It’s a yachting person’s lifestyle and, to quote Tina Fey/Liz Lemon, “I want to go to there”.

Though, you have to imagine that you’d get bored as shit after a while.  or would you?

c

Have you seen Letters to Juliet?  You can hear me singing in the movie if you go!  i’m very happy to say that, at some point in the flick (i think a montage), I sing the Italian standard, ‘Quando Quando Quando’, as a duet with another artist named Laura Jane Jones.  I know a lot of you have tweeted me asking if i was the ‘Chris Mann’ in the credits at the end and, yes, that is me.  Thanks for noticing!  i feel so special!

Laura Jane and i recorded it a while back in LA and were looking forward to seeing it on the silver screen.  I haven’t had time to see it yet but i’m hoping to see it this week.

Did you RomCom lovers see it yet?  did you like it?  did it all work out all nice and pretty in the end?

‘I WANT YOUR SEX EP’

my upcoming ‘I want your Sex EP’ is coming together nicely.  My original mix of the song was produced by Bleu in LA and the dance remixes are being done in Florida by this young, hot producer, Ross Lara.  By ‘hot’ i mean ‘really popular’, as opposed to ‘super handsome’, though, in his defense, he could be ‘hot, meaning super handsome’ as i’ve never met him in person.  did that clarify or just confuse everybody?  i’m guessing the latter.  greeeat.

Ross’s remixes are gonna pop right into that little video i made and then *BAM* it’s coming home to your computer!

i’ll let you know the exact release date here in just a bit.  when i do i want some serious word spreading action!

GLEE VOL. 3 = FUN ON A STICK

Thanks to all of you who are shouting out about the new Glee CD!  i had an awesome time working on the show this season and i hope you’re enjoying it!  i’m feeling super lucky to get to be a part of such a phenomenon!

Which Glee character do you think you are?  i think i’m the dorky nerd who runs the school blog and gets thrown into the trash can all the time.  awesome!

LOST IS OVER!  NOW WHAT?!

so did you watch the Lost finale?  it was pretty great, right?  so it turns out they all died in the plane crash, after all, and have been in purgatory the last 6 years.  a lot of people called this by season 1.5 and were annoyed at the ‘obvious’ ending but i disagree.  i thought it was a really beautiful way to wrap it all up–especially the way the characters made each other ‘awaken to their reality’ through the flash backs.  i thought it was really emotional and awesome.   it was pretty sad and happy all the same.  if only the black smoke monster could have found a mate and moved on to the after life with them too!  all would have been totally well!

what did you think?  are you happy or sad it’s over?  at least we can move on with our lives now and pay attention to our friends and families on tuesday nights.  i love how everyone is asking ‘what will these actors do now?!’  the answer is simple:  be suuuuper rich from this show and never have to work a day in their lives.  must be nice, right?

UPCOMING SHOWS

Nashville     6/14     The Basement     8pm

NYC             8/5       Rockwood Music Hall 2     8pm

NO BLOG NEXT WEEK….I’LL BE SAILING LOOKING FOR THE LOST ISLAND

next week i’ll be on a sailboat in the British Virgin Islands drinking some sort of rum drink in the sun without wireless.  Love me or hate me–i’ll report fully back on June 7!  have a great week(s)!